Today is the day. Operation weight loss has begun.

I joined a gym in October, after many failed attempts with other gyms.  This time, something felt different.  I was determined.  After loosing my mom in July, and then having my mother in law go through cancer, I knew I needed to make some changes.  I had a free week pass to LA Fitness for both my husband and myself so we decided to try it out one evening.  We walked away 3 hours later without having a free week but becoming members of not only the gym but also of the personal training!  The thoughts going through my head at that moment were “Oh shit! What have I gotten myself in to? How can I afford all this? And what did you say about cancelling again?”  My mind was racing but I knew I had to make these changes.

We bought a personal training package that allowed me two go twice a week and my husband go once a week.  We both were doing so well in the beginning.  I was matched up with Delmar, who is known around the gym to make BIG changes, so I knew I was in good hands.  The first couple sessions with him I was so sore I could barely move but I kept going back.  I also did a few water aerobics classes as my cardio workouts (mainly because I HATE, no I DESPISE, the treadmill!).

So October was coming to a close and November was getting close to being done but then weigh in day happened.  The 30th of every month is “D-day”!  I dread this day because I have to spread my legs, hold my arms out, and stand on a scale while Delmar writes down my measurements!  Surprisingly, my first month I lost about 12″ total, a few percentages off of body fat and supposedly (explain more about the scale in a minute) about 18 pounds on the scale! Things were going great.  And this was after Thanksgiving, the day we all eat WAY too much food!

December unfortunately put me back for a bit.  I had to have surgery. UGH!  I had lost a lot of my drive to work out leading up to this surgery so I could only hope for the best that my body would get better and life would be back to normal.  I survived surgery, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve.  Unfortunately, my wonderful trainer decided that we should do a weigh in (even though I hadn’t worked out in a MONTH!).  Luckily, I didn’t put all those inches back on (only 5 of them) and my weight said I had lost a few more pounds! Unsure on how that is possible but that is what the scale said so that is what we wrote down.

During the month of January I was going to my training sessions each week but wasn’t really putting in much effort.  I also went on a vacation to Jamaica (and we all know that I enjoyed SEVERAL drinks a day and some AMAZING food while I was there).  January 30th was quickly approaching and I thought I could just avoid the weigh in. WOW! I was completely wrong.  Delmar looked at the front of the training book and said “today’s the day! Let’s see what vacation did to you!” “Oh no, do we have to?!”  So there I was, legs spread, arms out, and stepping on the scale!  I lost 7 inches, about 10 more pounds (according to the scale) but gained two percent body fat!

I was not happy with my numbers because I knew the scale was wrong.  Inches I can’t argue with but the scale I can.  At home I have the Weight Watchers scale and I want to stick to those numbers only which have told me that I have lost a whole bunch of NOTHING!  Yes, it has gone down but then it goes back up, and then down, and then up… you know the drill.  But now it sits in the same place I started back in October.  My pants do fit a little differently so clearly the fat just shifted around on my body (still not on my butt!)  Operation Weight Loss (OWL) needs to get started and in full swing!

**side note – story of the dreaded scale at LA Fitness**

When I first joined I had to get my beginning weight.  I stepped on that scale fearing the worst.  “What? Is that number correct?! Can’t be!”  This scale was about 20 pounds different from the one at home! But since this was the scale we were going to use every time we wrote that number down.  The second time I went and the scale said I lost 18 pounds my scale at home said I lost 10. Then when it said I lost 7 pounds my scale at home didn’t budge. See, this scale lies!  Tries to make you feel better but when I have a scale at home that says something different I don’t feel better.  So, from here on out I’m only paying attention to inches and a small amount of attention will be on the percentage of body fat!

OWL has begun!  I will be at the gym 4 times a week.  Two times with the trainer followed by my of so favorite cardio and then the other two days during the week I will just do cardio and maybe some water aerobics! (I love to get wet because then I don’t realize I’m sweating!… have I ever told you I am afraid of sweating?? haha… maybe not afraid but I dread it so much!)

I have a family vacation planned in the middle of June and I hope to be 40 pounds skinnier by the time we go.  Fingers and toes crossed!

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, or even months were you just don’t feel right?  Not sick physically but just mentally off?  Unfortunately this has been me this week.  It is not a good feeling and I really don’t know what to do to snap out of it.  It seems to last about a week and then I’m back to normal.  During this time however I am miserable.

I start to think the worst about everything.  I over analyze everything.  I read into things too much.  I don’t sleep well.  I walk around like a zombie.  I am short-tempered. And so much more.

I feel sorry for the husband that has to deal with this.  While he understands what I’m going through, it is something he still feels that I need to “snap” out of and get back to the normal Kendra that I am.  He has to deal with the brunt of negativity.  Poor guy.

Yesterday I think was the worst day for my mood.  It didn’t help that I had to wake up at 5:45 (which is way early for me) to go to the gym (my least favorite place to go after the dentist) followed by 8 hours of work but then I was going out with my girlfriends which was well needed, especially time with Erin.  And we went to El Pueblo… YUMMY! (best chips and salsa around!)

Speaking of Erin… will someone please buy her house?  I really want her to move closer so we can see her and her family more.  I know that  she is about 30 minutes away (which isn’t awful) but to have her only 10-15 would be wonderful.  The two of us could relive our “Shriver, 10 minutes” runs if we were closer.  We could have more game nights, more girl nights, more everything.  DAMNIT! BUY HER HOUSE! (and while you’re at it will you also buy George and Jesy’s house too)

So back to my bad mood lately.  As previously stated, when I get in this “funk” I start to read into things too much and think the worst and yesterday I just felt like I’ve been a horrible friend to everyone.  Whenever I get this feeling I want to call all my friends and ask if everything is okay between us but a couple things hold me back.  1) I am terrified of what they are going to say 2) I don’t like conflict and since I’m already thinking the worst is about to happen I don’t know what to do 3) the person I’m on the phone with will think I’m crazy about what I’m asking and tell me everything is fine and to get over it.  When option three happens I am sure I would hang up, still feeling like something isn’t right.  Not only do I get this feeling with my girlfriends but I also feel that way about my husband.  That no one is telling the truth and if they did tell me the truth it was going to hurt. UGH!

Also, during my “funk” I get really tired.  I already struggle to get the sleep that I feel I need so this “funk” only makes things worse.

Oh well.  Really I should just “snap” out of it and realize that I have a good life.  Go take my medicine and head to bed because tomorrow is going to be a great day, right??

I promise to my readers that my next entry will not be me complaining.  Life is on the up swing!

What a true statement.  Yes, Mondays are bad but Tuesdays are even worse!  On Monday you are spending a good part of your day catching up with friends about your weekend.  Then on Tuesday it hits.  The amount of work that you have to do but you are so incredibly tired that you struggle to get through the day. 

Time to rant about the day… leave now if you don’t want to hear it!

For me, today was one of the worst Tuesdays I’ve had in a long time.  I woke up this morning (at 5:45) thinking that today would be good.  I was starting out with a morning workout so I’d be full of energy, right?  WOW! I was completely wrong.  Having a workout at 6:30 in the morning is the last thing I should be doing.  I left feeling even more tired than when I went in and as the day went on my level of tiredness only got worse.  Then, the stomach started to rumble and the head started to hurt and the aches kicked in.  Now, not only am I tired but I’m also not feeling well at all! Right before lunch I had to run to the bathroom (not that you want to know that) but I was hurting and thought I was going to explode.  I took care of business and was feeling a little better, minus the head hurting. 

I also sit in an office with flourescent lights and the longer I sit here the worse my headache gets.  I told my husband that I just want to come home, curl up in a ball, and sit in a dark corner.  And while I’m there if you want to give me a massage that would be great too! I think I might of actually gotten him to agree (maybe a little… fingers and toes crossed)

I have 15 minutes left of my work day and I cannot wait! 

I never want to work out in the morning again

And I can only hope that this headache goes away (and pronto!)

I know everyone says they have the cutest kids or the cutest nieces and nephews but I honestly feel that my nieces and nephews are the best.  I don’t get to see them very often except my sister’s triplets.

These three little guys brighten up my life.  I am not able to have children of my own so I love any chance I get to hang out with them.

Ryan is the “oldest”:

This little guy brightens up a room. He is full of energy but can also be a little whiney (can’t we all).  He actually could be a professor of “whinese” (according to my sister).

Evan is the middle triplet:

He is the shy one of the group.  Once he gets comfortable around you he is pretty talkative.  He looks the most like his dad.

Trey is the “youngest”:

I see Trey growing up and being into sports.  He is the boy of the group.  I do love how Trey can make some of the greatest faces.  You can always tell when he isn’t happy.

This past weekend I was able to meet up with my sister or just a bit and I of course arrived first.  I was sitting on a bench when I saw Ryan walk around the corner.  I quietly said his name and when he looked over he screamed “AUNT KENDRA” and came running up into my lap.  The other two quickly followed.  It is moments like that when I get kind of sad that I can’t have any children of my own but I will always enjoy the love these little guys give me.

In June I’ll get to see the rest of my nieces and nephews so be ready for more posts then!

Lately I’ve been finding and reading more blogs and realizing that I’m so new to this and have no clue what I’m doing.  I see people that have tons of ads on her blog and are probably making some money without really doing much work.  I see people who have made the main page of the blog look so fun and inviting.  And then I look at mine and realize I have a template that I’m using.  I don’t have my own webpage (you have to go to word press to get to mine). And I also am realizing that I am NOT as funny as half the people out there is blogger world!

Some of the new people I have found have helped me pass my days at work with entertaining blogs, heart warming blogs, great ideas for dinner, fun crafts to do, and also blogs that have made me realize how sheltered my life is! haha

So, I’m going to try to write more, learn new things, take pictures (need a better camera but the one I have will have to do), and have fun with this whole blog world and see where it takes me!

Friday night – went to bed at 12ish (way to late)

Saturday – woke up at 3am and headed to the airport.  Our flight was scheduled to depart at 6:30 so we got there around 4am only to find out that the ticket counter didn’t open until 4:30! We finally got our boarding passes and headed to our gate.  The flight from Cincinnati to Atlanta was okay.  I slept for a good part of it.  Once in Atlanta we grabbed some breakfast and then went to our next gate.  We arrived in Montego Bay around 12:30 and we were ready to face customs. 

**Words of advice – make sure you fill out your customs form correctly and if you make an error to not fix it on the form but fill out a new one instead!**

We made it through customs and then went to the Couples Lounge to wait for our shuttle.  We squeezed on the shuttle and almost 2 hours later we arrived at the resort.  Along the way we stopped at a place called “Jerk Chicken Joint”.  This was our first encounter of being offered drugs of any kind. 

Once at the resort we were greeted with a cool rag and a glass of champagne.  Frank took us to our room and we got comfortable and walked around the resort and up and down the beach.  We also stopped and ate some jerk chicken for lunch (delicious!).  For dinner on Saturday we went to the buffet.  It was only okay so I was kind of worried about the food the rest of the week but thankfully it turned out to be okay.  We called it an early night due to a long day of travelling.

Sunday – early morning for us (woke up at 7:30am) we went to breakfast and then back to the room to get ready for a day in the sun.  We spent some time on the beach and then headed over to the pool bar.  This ended up being our home away from home. We met some great people while sitting at the bar who we ended up hanging out with for the week. That night we made reservations for the formal dinner.  It was delicious! 

Monday – another day of relaxation with the catamaran cruise in the afternoon.  The cruise was about an hour to our destination.  We then had about 30 minutes to swim around the caves and slide off the boat. Monday night we went back to the dinner buffet where the meal was much better.

Tuesday – we really did nothing on Tuesday.  We walked along the beach and hung out at the swim up bar with our fellow friends.  For dinner we went to the “Asian” restaurant.  It was very good!

Wednesday – another day of relaxation.  We did end up going to Rick’s Cafe with two other couples.  Tony jumped off a cliff there and we had an appetizer and some drinks.  We then headed back to the resort and grabbed some dinner. 

Thursday – today we attempted snorkeling.  I realized it is not my favorite activity.  I had a hard time with the breathing part of it so I swallowed lots of salt water! Tonight was also the beach party night so we had the buffet for dinner again and then hung out on the beach with the newlyweds that we met.

Friday – I wanted to spend a lot of the day at the swim up bar area.  I needed to come home with a tan! (I failed at that)… I enjoyed my last day of having an amazing drink prepared by Tennyson!  For dinner on Friday we went to the Italian Restaurant.  Tony had lobster.  I tried it but did not like it.  After dinner we went back to our room to get ready to come home the next day.  Bed time was at 11pm.

Saturday – woke up around 6:30. Finished packing everything, ate our quick breakfast in the room and then headed to the shuttle.  The shuttle ride was much shorter this time since there wasn’t much traffic.  We got to the airport to only have to wait forever since the ticket counter wasn’t open again! 

Once we got our tickets and made it through the security check points we stopped at the duty-free store and got a few bottles of alcohol to bring home.  We then decided we should probably eat some lunch because of timing.  The Jamaican Bobsled Cafe was in the airport so we ate there and watched all of Cool Runnings!  Our flight left around 12:45.  Once in Atlanta we had about 1 hour to get through customs.  I was kind of worried about time but Tony kept us going at a quick pace so we made it through all of customs in about 30 minutes!  We then grabbed lunch and got on our next flight.  Arrived home and to our car around 7:30.  Once home we had to clean up all our clothes because they smelled like the ocean and dirty salt water!  Ordered a pizza and crashed!

Had a FABULOUS week and can’t wait to plan our next trip.  I think Cancun might be our next destination! Maybe next time we can get some friends to join us.

Items purchased:

sun screen,  bug spray, waterproof camera (next time I’ll remember to bring one from home), coconut purse, shot glass, beach bag, necklace, two anklets, shorts for Tony, sarong for me, vase for the in-laws, picture frame for us, some cooking supplies, a couple gifts and great memories!

Our Jamaican vacation is right around the corner!  I cannot wait.  I’m going to pack everything up on Tuesday since that is my only free night before we leave.  This past week has also been fairly busy but it just helps make the time go faster.

This week: 2 workouts, about 4 inches of snow, going to bed early a couple nights, long work days, watching the Bengals win on Saturday (or I can hope)

Next week: 2 workouts, bunko!, nail appointments, birthday party, taking the cat to her grandparents, packing, going to bed early on Friday to be ready for our early morning on Saturday!

Since we are flying internationally we have to be at the airport 3 hours early! UGH! That means we need to leave the house at 3am!!!!

Updates in life: after taking a month off of working out in December I still had to face my weigh in.  I only gained 1 pound but I did get a couple of the inches back.  My awesome trainer and I came up with a new slogan for the year and set a pretty big goal.  I kept saying “New year, new me” and he changed it to “New me, now do me!” haha  We have a goal of 60 pounds by the end of April.  I personnally feel that is a lot but I’m going to aim for it.  I would really like to head to California 60 pounds lighter and show my parents how hard I have been working!

Speaking of California, the ticket has been purchased for June.  I’ll be heading out there alone this time but it will only be for a couple days and then back home I come!

Will update more once we get back to Ohio at the end of the month.

So today is weigh in day.  I’m kind of nervous.  I know it is my own fault that I haven’t lost weight but still.  I have tried to keep my diet somewhat okay but with the holidays it has been so hard.  Plus with being out for surgery that took time away from the gym.  I just need to keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day and it is about to be a new year.  If I could just loose one inch I would be happy.  A loss is a loss, right?

The holidays are slowly coming to an end.  In some ways I’m glad and at times I wish they would continue.  There is something about the holidays that bring out the best in some people.  The time to enjoy with family and friends is special and means something more than just a random get together during the year.

To sum up my holidays -

Christmas Eve the hubby and I got up early and went to our favorite bakery to buy the dessert for Christmas day.  We then went to the grocery store to buy the stuff for the breakfast casserole to take to my sisters.  Once home I made the casserole (which was super easy) and then we rested until it was time to go.  We arrived at the hubby’s aunt and uncles house around 6:30 to enjoy a delicious Italian meal and spend time with our special guests of the night.  The hubby’s cousin invited three of his friends over to celebrate that are from Turkey.  It was nice to have others share in our family traditions.  The night came to an end and we headed home knowing we had an early morning coming up.

I did receive a special gift on Christmas Eve.  When checking the mail I had an envelope addressed to me with no return address.  When I opened it I saw a poem titled “My First Christmas in Heaven”.  I immediately started crying but I knew whoever sent this to me was someone special and someone who really cared and also knew how important my mom was to me. I know now who sent it and even though she says it wasn’t her that it was my mom I want her to know how special that was to me.

Christmas – woke up at 8 to head to my sisters in Indiana. When we got there her house looked like it had exploded!  I guess that is what you get when you have triplets who understand what Christmas is all about!  We exchanged gifts and then ate brunch.  After brunch the boys went to play the new video game and my sister and I called the family.  We left around 2pm to make the trip to my in-laws house.

Thank goodness the weather wasn’t too bad for driving.  We made it to the in-laws in a little over an hour! We arrived at hubby’s parents house and exchanged gifts between all of us.  Baby Alexa stocked up on a lot of cute clothes!  The best gift though would be the family picture that we will take when we go on our family vacation in August.  Even though the hubby is not a fan of picture-taking it will be a great gift! 

Our cat got his dad a gift!  Little did he know it was all planned out by me!  He thought it was his parents that got him a new jersey so I was glad that we pulled off the surprise!

Hubby’s grandma is not doing so well health wise and feels that she has nothing to live for.  She made it very difficult to be around her with her constant complaining.  We were all making efforts to make her day better but nothing was seeming to work.  Her poor boyfriend is an angel to be able to put up with her.  I hope she has many more years with us but she needs to take care of herself and get in a nursing home and off a bunch of her medications.

Saturday -  we slept in a bit but woke up and went to breakfast at First Watch.  After breakfast we ran some errands (bought a new heater/humidifier/air cleaner!). We decided to go see a movie in the afternoon and hoped to go see Avatar but when we got there it was already sold out so we decided to see The Blind Side.  GREAT movie!  After the movie we headed home, ordered pizza and relaxed for the remainder of the night.  Around midnight we decided to head to the grocery store.  I love going grocery shopping in the middle of the night! There was no one there and so easy to move around.  We had planned out our meals for the next day so that we could truly enjoy a day at home! Got home and finally around 2:30 in the morning went to bed.

Sunday – woke up at 11am! (I love sleeping in). The hubby had been up for a while and was in the process of making muffins! They smelled delicious! Once I finally made it downstairs we had left over breakfast casserole and a muffin.  We watched a movie until the Bengals game came on.  Thank goodness the Bengals won! 

For Christmas in my stocking I received a Pizza cookbook so we decided to try one of the recipes for dinner.  Since we had ordered pizza the night before I was wanting to make one of the bread recipes.  We made a sun-dried tomato foccacia bread that was DELICIOUS! We had that and some tomato soup.  Perfect meal for a cold snowy day inside.

Monday – back to work we go… boo!

This week will be just as busy as the last but the busier I am the faster the week goes and the quicker my Jamaican vacation comes!

Wednesday – work out (December weigh in {this could be scary})

Thursday – New Year’s Eve at the Herron’s (always a good time!)

Friday – step mom in town

Saturday – more family time

Sunday – Trans-Siberian orchestra concert in Columbus

So here is to a busy week, a happy new year, and a great 2010!

Only 10 minutes left of work and then a 4 day weekend shall begin.  We are starting out tonight with some of the hubby’s co-workers at one of my favorite mexican restaurants.  After that I will need to rush home and pack up all my christmas presents.  Tomorrow morning (Christmas Eve) I need to get to the local bakery (Bonbonerie) to buy our holiday dessert (yes I’m lazy and don’t want to make anything).  Then I need to run to the store to buy stuff for the breakfast casserole that I need to bring on Christmas morning to my sisters so that her mother in law couldn’t bring hers!!! (I’ve never made a breakfast casserole!) I’ll rush home, make the casserole, clean myself up and by that time it will probably be time to head up to the hubby’s aunt and uncles house.  We will open presents, eat a great meal, laugh and have a good time then head home for a day full of driving.

I told my sister that we would be to her place by 10 (at the latest) which means that we need to get up by 8:30 to get there by 10. I can’t forget the breakfast casserole (that is something I would do!).  We will drive the 45 minutes to her place.  Watch the triplets open presents. Eat. Drive to the inlaws house for the rest of the evening. 

For the most part the evening will be relaxing but still a lot of driving.  Thanks goodness for a weekend right after all this to crash!